There is nobody there I know
You are not there I know
But in the darkness I see your face
and reach for you
Inside my chest I feel your warmth
and reach for you
I reach for you
Perhaps tonight
Perhaps
There is nobody there I know
You are not there I know
But in the darkness I see your face
and reach for you
Inside my chest I feel your warmth
and reach for you
I reach for you
Perhaps tonight
Perhaps
There’s only one you, I said to your twin. You are my one and only.
I push you gently
firmly
and you swing out from the edge.
You are floral against the blue beyond the cliff
and
after a moment
of suspension
of disbelief
swing back.
I catch you firmly
gently
and wrap my arms around your waist.
I kiss your neck and you half-twist.
Your dress is thin cotton in the temperate sun.
I push you again
and again
you swing out
toes pointed
legs straight out from the worn wooden seat.
The rope knots squeak
the tree imagined on the edge of the drop.
You swing out above the clouds
out
back
out
back
my hands on your shoulders
each time you return.
Again I hold on to your waist
and we swing out
above the emptiness
my feet hang down
cutting through clouded air.
Your back is warm through the cotton
my arms are tight.
We swing together
the sun to our side
soft clouds below.
And then we are back on the grass
and you turn
and look in my eyes
and I raise my eyebrows
and you nod
and I nod
and I walk backwards
holding you firm
until I am standing on tiptoes
and then I run forward
and as we swing out
out
up and out
and I am not sure how
but you let go of the swing and
we are
falling
falling
falling
through the soft warm air.
We fall
and we fall
and I do not know why
but I am not afraid of the height or the falling
and you are with me
and I am with you
and you smile and I smile.
“Once I had a secret love.” They stopped washing up and drying and twirled around the room. “My secret love’s no secret any more.”
You are for me a UFO
who sped across my sky at night,
landed in my garden and
loved me at the speed of light.
Now I am your satellite.
In my mind it’s always the day before. The sun was sunny, the grass was green, you said ‘I love you’ and it didn’t sound strange.
Sisyphus’s rock rolled down again. He cursed the thinkers. Each time a meaning was given to the rock – knowledge? love? – it fell.
I see you and I jump with joy;
landing has no more importance.
Lake, wasteland, wherever –
my heart continues to soar.
She screws up the letters he had written her, page by single page. Burning them would still feel too final, the ash too easy to smooth between fingertips. She imagines the powder-grey prints she would leave on the banister.
So crushing the letters is the best course of action. The only way. One by one she drops the pieces of paper and the wind sends them skirling across the winter beach.
She feels bad, of course she does. If the world were normal, she would never drop what in a normal world is litter. But the world is not normal, not now.
One page is caught in the dip before the rocks; others are held in the frothing shallow water. A single tear would be appropriate – the thought surprises her and she almost smiles. Then the smile fades from her eyes and she feels the chill on her neck.
She drops the last page and watches it skitter. The last one. Gone. She turns and walks away, into the wind.
Some years later, she returns with a dog and children. Of course there is no sign of his letters. No sign. Of course.
A sign
a sign
of life
of life
is all
is all
I need
[pause]
is all
is all
is all
I need
[pause]
is all
is all
is all I need
[pause]
A sign of life
of life
is all I need
is all
is all
is all I need
[pause]
[pause]
[pause]
A sign
a sign
of love
of love
is all
is all
I ask
[pause]
is all
is all
is all
I ask
[pause]
is all
is all
is all I ask
[pause]
A sign of love
of love
is all I ask
is all
is all
is all I ask
[pause]
[pause]
[pause]
A song
a song
of love
of love
is all
is all
I have
[pause]
is all
is all
is all
I have
[pause]
is all
is all
is all I have
[pause]
A song of love
of love
is all I have
is all
is all
is all I have
A song of love is all I have