How do I know you are gone?
The basil is flowering.
How do I know you are gone?
The basil is flowering.
Nineteen ninety five. We did not know it was the last VE Day that mum would see. There was a party in the street. Mum was indoors crying.
Aren’t you happy mum? We won. That’s why we’re celebrating. We won, we won and you were there. It’s party time.
Don’t celebrate for me. It was not “fun”. A day of sad relief perhaps. It took my cousin, my uncle, your grandad for six years, his health for the rest of his life and what should have been my youth.
Twenty five years on and I see the celebrations on tv and remember mum and the others and I wonder.
above us
translucent skylight
clouds cast shadows beyond
tell me you remember
Yesterday’s history overstoning the past
Memory smoke in the breeze
The secret of the longlasted love is known
in its fiery potential
by the young and the breathless and sweet
I could warn you of its future
but perhaps
you would not believe me
The secret of the longlasted love is known
in the mid age
in the touch and go and stay
I could write you a letter or some lines
but perhaps
you would not want to read me
The secret of the longlasted love is known
only to the old
when the memories and razored caresses have scarred
I could tell you the history of it
but perhaps
you would remember
how everything was different
I am not a camera person
you said
I see I love I perhaps forget
the now is in the present
the future may see the past
I am not a camera person
memories heavy my heart
breath comes slowly and inspiration slower
remembering shapes our future
do not repeat the mistakes we all know
in your eyes a lighted candle
yesterday remains and burns forever
as one door closes, another
every year more stars in the sky
every day though my eyes grow cloudy
remembering in the darkness
You smiled quietly when we gave you a card, cleared your throat and said thanks. We found them all you know, when we were clearing the loft, all in date order (you’d pencilled the date on each envelope), held together with a rubber band, wrapped in plastic and sellotaped down. I’m not sure why we all wrote this one.