How do you do it? Well, you have to work quickly but carefully when you’re putting together a sculpture like this. The flies come quickly, especially outside, especially in the summer. And especially if you use old meat, meat you’ve dug up to use again.

Keep the bones in when you can, keep the shapes of the arms or the legs – but make sure you don’t get too much all from the same place. You’re not copying, you’re expressing yourself through the medium of sculpture. Hear that? David would be proud of me. Oh! Oh! Yes, I could do that next time. Ears are tricky. Need pinning.

And the smell. If it’s all fresh, it’s just, you know, metallic but if some of it is riper than it should be…. That’s what attracts the flies of course. It must have been the flies that took the police to my first experiment – my first draft. The police said it must have been kids or Satanists. Well, one bit was a Satanist. He was fresh. The rest of him was in a shopping trolley in the canal. I sweated that day.

But it’s cooler down here, isn’t it? I can’t see any flies at all. Unless they’re in those binbags with my materials. Well, I’ll sort them out in a minute.

I’ve got everything I need. I’ve even got an Alsatian’s tongue. I thought that would be fun, artistic, sticking out from under that moustache.

All that’s missing are the eyes. They dull so quickly, don’t they? And that’s where you come in. Oh, no, no, don’t cry. Your eyes will go all red.